I Am Back..

I am back - back in the blogging world after a long time. And I am surprised at how much the world around has changed. My life has taken a complete u-turn. I have lost all those things that I cherished and dreamed. The person whom I dreamed of as the person who would be the one who changes my life for ever, has long vanished. Now we are just friends - its easily said than done. When you loose something that you desperately wanted, you actually realize the value of it. Luckily for me, I have somehow managed to get over the entire trauma. Now no longer does he come in my dreams as the person whom I desperately want, no longer do my thoughts wander around him. One will have to admit that time is indeed a great healer. Initially the separation was very painful - but with time, things changed. Even though there are those times when my mind would desperately want him, I am able to get over it. I have resigned to the fact that I would never have him in my life - then why should I dream about him for no reason.

I have a big urge within me to go forward in life. There is that desperation lingering within that would say to me - go and find someone for yourself. I want it as well, but am afraid. I want to go around and meet someone whom I believe would make a change in the way I live; but my inhibitions stops me from doing so. Its a fine line that I am having to travel through. On one side I want to find my love, my partner in life; on the other I have my apprehensions regarding it. It sounds a bit too stupid - doesn't it? But then, my life is just a collection of stupidities. There would be no doubt that I would be among the most impractical and boring persons around.

I want a fresh start in my life - something that would take away this sense of loneliness that I am enduring. But will that happen? Will I find my love? Or will I have to marry someone and live a dual life for ever - one that I live for others, another one that I live within myself for myself. Ahh.. in that case this life is just going to be just absolute misery...