Back After A Break

Back to the blogging world after a bit of a break.. And it was certainly a break that was having volcanic proportions. A lot of things changed in between. For the first time in my relationship with him, I admitted to him that I am having a crush on him. If I say that he was taken aback by that statement of mine would be a thorough understatement. He doesn't want anything of that sort between us. He wants us to be extreme friends, and nothing else. Jeez.. it was so difficult when I heard it the first time. But then, there is no way I can find any fault in him. After all he is having a family, which he cherishes so dearly. It was my mistake that I opened myself to him in that way. After all this was something that was bound to be there only within me. There was no reason for me to say what I feel to him. When I look back, it was a day of complete madness - a day when I was not in my senses, a day when I lost control of my heart, and said things to him that I shouldn't have. Maybe I got overwhelmed by emotions, and I ended messing up something that was so special for me. Hope our relationship is strong enough to withstand that foolishness of mine. There have been lots of times when some foolishness from my part has resulted in relationships being broken. The sad part of it all is that even after all these bad experiences, I haven't learned. I haven't learned how to make a relationship, and protect it. More often than not, I get carried away, don't think of the sensitivies of others and make stupid decisions which make an irreversible damage to a relationship. I just hope and pray with all my heart that this is not yet another causality of my stupidity - because this is one relationship that I value the most. Something that I would give anything to protect.

Spent the weekend back home. Can't say that I spent it with my parents, since I was outside for most of the times. As expected my marriage was one of the most prominent subjects of discussion while I was there. These are the times when I feel like telling the truth about me to them. But then, the fact that they may not be able to accept the reality stops me from telling it to them. From they way they are speaking, it sounds as if they are kind-of desperate to see me get married. This time things seems to be getting out of my hands with my uncles as well getting involved in the entire thing. Maybe its time to tell it to them. At least that would bring an end to the false hope that they are having upon me. Its one of the biggest crimes from me that I am making them remain in a world of false hopes. But somehow I am not getting the guts to tell it to them. I am afraid of the possibility that they will completely disown me, and I would be left alone in this world. There would be absolutely no virtue for my life after that. Its in a complete mess - in every sense of the word.

Things are getting a bit too hectic at work as well. Lots of work is pending upon me, and it will take some effort to get them done in time. Looks like my late nigthers are coming back with a vengeance. One thing that I have realized as of now is that I need to be a bit more organized. Otherwise there are nightmares that are coming up for me. I can see them in the horizon. Somehow I need to work a way out of all of these. I don't know how I am going to do this. But then, that is the challenge that I have this year. If I get the better of this, I would count it one of my biggest accomplishments at work. Everything poses a challenge of its own, and this one is no different. It all depends on how I am able to tackle it.

My guys are also having a tough time - especially MS. He is having to put in lots of late nighters these days, since he has a delivery some time next week. AR also is having a bad time at office - both due to his work and his manager. AJ as always is busy - no surprises there. In all the hustle and bustle of life, are we guys missing out on the good times? I feel so. Maybe once the hectic times at work are done with, we should all go out, have a nice time together. That is when all of us enjoys our life the most. There is one more problem that has come up in front of me. My parents want to come over to this place, and that would require me to move out of the current house. Its becoming so difficult even to say to AR about moving out. After staying together for so many years, its always difficult. But then that's life, isn't it? There are times in life when you have to bite the bullet. In all probability, this is one of them.