Back In Town...

I am back in Bangalore – the city that provides me with my daily bread; the city where I am one in a million anonymous individuals. This obscurity is intimidating once in a while; but very effective when you are trying to run away from the rest of the world. I ran away from this city hoping that the change of cities would help me get out of a rut; but I am back here with the realization that I will have to get though it on my own. There were many things that were distinctly different from what used to happen in the past – no longer do I get that SMS “Reached??” on my mobile phone with AJ’s name flashing on the sender’s name; or no longer do I have that sense of expectancy once I reach here. It’s a new beginning for me I guess; something that needs to start from square one. And hence even in those strange backdrops I get back to the city I belong to.

There is an element of tiredness in me. The break has done no good for me – on the contrary, I feel more tired with all of this. Even now I am not able to concentrate fully at work. My mind wanders; seeks solitude; my colleagues say I look dull even with that smile that I try to paste without fail. Maybe it will take some time to get back to my normal self. After all, the human mind is not a slate – something that can be wiped off in a flash with a moist cloth. It resembles more to a wound which takes time to heal; and I feel I should give it the time to heal on its own. One of the things that I learned out of my failed escapade is about the worthlessness of running away from trouble. For a moment you feel that you are out of trouble, but in reality, it’s just taken a momentary pause. The moment you get back to a similar circumstance, those troubles come back at you at a vociferous pace; opening all those painful wounds. The only way to overcome troubles is to live through it; there are no escape routes in life. And hence I have started to live through it. Everything is feeling strange now – being going alone for lunch; or traveling alone to office. These are new in my daily routines – but am living through it; hoping that I would be able to restart my life which as of now looks like being in reset.

Let me see how far I can proceed in this…