Filling The Void

Strange are the ways in which life evolves. When you feel that there is no hope left in life, out of somewhere there opens up a semblance of hope - something that would make you realize that all in not over for good in life; there is something still that can happen which would make your life a bit more better. And at that point of time, it feels as if that is the last hope that you have. You cling on to that little piece of light as if that is the dearest part of you. It could be anything – from a new person whom you came across; or a piece of information that might lighten up your life. But when that happens, it seems to have taken away all your pains. It seems to be the indication of a fresh start in life.

AJ is going away from me in a couple of day’s time. We have started the packing process. Almost all the shopping is done; the remainder of it would be done tomorrow. I have been there with him trying to put up a smile on my face. Believe me, its been extremely difficult for me all these days. And finally the day that I have been dreading has arrived. As we pack up the bags finally, give that final hug to him, how would I react? Would I be able to stop my tears from flowing down the aisle? I hope I won’t break down; but deep within me I know I would. AJ’s parents are coming in tomorrow; so that they are around when he goes away. I am still confused if I should go to the airport to see him off or not. I don’t want to create a scene at the airport. But he might not be happy if I skip it. Hence I would go – so see him finally walk away from me. All those years of being together; all those moments of happiness and sharing; everything will come to an end as I would see him walk away into that airport in a couple of days time. Its nothing less than an absolute heartbreak for me. The person who has understood me the best; the person whom I understood the most – he is no longer anywhere close to me. I don’t know how I would overcome this. But I would have to – isn’t it? Because that is what life is all about. All these days I deliberately made it a point that I don’t think too much about this day. I had sensed that it was giving just some pain and nothing else. But as the d-day arrives, I have to think about it. I am going crazy thinking about it all. Hope I have the strength to get through this moment of crisis in my life.

Well, there is something a bit interesting happening in my life. Around a week back, while I was online on a chat room, I bumped against someone. We had similar tastes in life; similar thought process; and it didn’t take long before we got ourselves going. So much so, that I find really comfortable being with him. We go on and on with the chat; talk about everything under the sun. And I don’t realize how time flies bye when I am with him – at least for me. I don’t know how he feels about all of this. Hope he doesn’t look at me as some sort of a boring character who pesters him every morning and night. I was desperately trying for someone to fill in the vacuum that AJ’s moving away would create in my life. I was trying to cling on to everything that comes my way. I wanted something to be there in my life. So far nothing had worked; until I bumped against this guy. Didn’t I tell life evolves in strange ways – this is one example of that. Is he the replacement for AJ in my life? I don’t know… I don’t think anyone can be what AJ was. But if he is able to fill in even a little bit of the void that has been created in my life; I am more than happy to have him around.