Goodbye To My Best Friend

There are always these moments that you dread about in life; hoping that they would never ever come. The very thought of those things happening brings in a bit of shiver in the spine. You hate even to think about such an eventuality. But then, when it comes, it becomes too unbearable to you. It feels as if something is been plucked away from you every time you think about it. If the very thought is so very painful, imagine how difficult it is to accept it when such a situation actually comes up in life. Accepting them, and coping with them may be the essence of what life is. It’s the adversities that every one of us faces in life that makes the life different for each one of us. Otherwise it’s all very same for all of us, isn’t it? Easier to say that with a tinge of philosophy; but when it happens to you, especially when someone very close to you is involved, it becomes even more difficult to handle.

AR came up yesterday and told me that he might well be moving to the US permanently, and that too very soon. After being best of friends for almost over nine years, it was a bit too difficult for me to fathom. It was almost like a bolt from the blue. I didn’t know how to react to it. On the one hand, I was extremely happy for him – that he was getting an opportunity of a life time. On the other hand, I felt scary about a life without him around me. Ever since we came over to Bangalore around four years back, we have been closer to each other than anyone else. In all good and bad times, we stood for each other. I would never forget his face when he came to know that I had to do that tumor removal surgery. He was one of the very few around me who was genuinely caring for me. There were times when I was so busy with work; that I come home very late, he would have prepared dinner for me, waited for some time and then slept. He is one person to whom I share all my tensions at work, and in a few minutes with him, everything seems to be back to normal. His one word of encouragement was more than sufficient for me to get out of the worst of disappointments. We have been together from the University – studied together, worked for some time together, and then stayed together once we came to this unknown city of Bangalore. We had our good and bad times together, shared moments of joy and despair, enjoyed each others successes, and encouraged each other of failures. In all of that, we became the most important persons for each other. Only when you are about to loose something in life, that you realize how much important that thing was in your life. In my own admission, there were times when I took him for granted, when I gave more importance for something else when he wanted me to do something for him. And now when he is about to go far away from me, each of those instances are haunting me. Every time I said “no” to him, looks like big mistakes that I have done. I now realize how much he would have felt hurt when I declined things to him. I am really sorry AR. I have realized the mistakes, all be it too late.

I could see the pain in him when he mentioned it to me. He too was hurt with the thoughts of moving away. But the option in front of him is too tempting to be rejected. Its one of the best things that could happen to him from a career point of view. That’s put him in real confusion. As far as I know him, he would eventually accept that and move out. I left his house soon after dinner, and I was emotionally overwhelmed. As I waked through the streets of Bangalore close to midnight, I felt I was sweating even in that chill... Were tears rolling down my eyes at that point of time? Probably they were. The time being close to midnight made sure that the streets were deserted, and I didn’t have the embarrassment of people seeing me crying. As soon as I got in my house, I started to cry like a baby; after all there was no fear of my ego being hurt by someone seeing me crying in my house. I tried to control my tears, but they were not listening. They were coming down like rains in a monsoon night. There was no way to escape the pain. I realized how much I am going to miss him; how much important he is in my life. It’s extremely difficult to get good friends; and I feel I am exceptionally lucky to have AR as my friend. Well, is he just a friend? I guess not. He is perhaps much more than that. In literary terms, you can call him as a so-called friend, philosopher, guide, shadow, brother… anything. Life without AR is something that I would find very hard to fathom in. All those days when we cooked together, ate together, spent time trying to support each other will remain as the best days of my life. No one can ever be my AR, because he is special. More than anything else, he is one person who has understood me better than anyone else.

With AR going away, depth of my loneliness is going to increase in leaps and bounds. I had always felt that he is one person who would still stand by me if I come out to him. Because, for him I am important, and not what I am. That’s the trait of a true friend. And AR definitely is one of them. I will miss you man. Where ever you are, be happy….