Uneasy Dinner

I went for a dinner with my team on Friday in a pretty decent restaurant near our place. There were lots of drinks that were flowing during that party. And as the liquor consumption increased, so did the rate at which people started opening themselves out. The fact that I don’t drink helped me out at that stage. I was witness to some of the most candid confessions and expressions. Most of it was just the usual banter; which is better off not listened. Then accidentally the topic of discussion turned to homosexuality. I don’t know why that subject came into picture. I guess it was because of one of my boss’s friend commenting about his son going around with an American girl that as long as he goes around with a girl, he is fine with it. The fact that my boss comes from the San Francisco area in the US meant that he was very much aware of the gays and the homosexual relationships that are prevalent there. And once this subject came into discussion, everyone was more than keen to express themselves. One person said that these people are perverts. Other person quickly quipped with a comment that there are two meanings for the terminology “gay” – one means to be happy; the other means be sick. There were laughter accompanied by every comment that was been passed. Each of them tried to outdo the other in the amount of ridicule that they vented upon the “gays”. With a lot of pain within me, I realized how much of contempt the society had towards the gays in the society. These are highly educated people who have seen the world. If this was the response from a bunch of highly educated set of people; how do we expect an average man to accept this scenario?

In all of these, I was sitting there all alone, with pain within, realizing that my dream of being myself can never happen – at least in my lifespan. It’s a really hurting feeling that you have when you realize that the dual life that you are living is to continue for ever. I sat there helpless. Some can ask me why I didn’t question the views being expressed there; and maybe stand for myself. I was afraid – that’s my plain answer. I was afraid of being exposed; afraid of being ridiculed; afraid of being an outcast among my colleagues. The fact that I was timid left with absolutely very little options. I just had to sit through that entire conversation. As things became too unbearable for me, I tactically intervened and changed the subject to something else. But in that short span of around five minutes, I realized how far in reality is the acceptance of homosexuality in our society. I realized how much rigid are our societal values that gives an emphatic “no” to the very notion of homosexuality. Am I really “sick” as what they said? Its really sad that even after so much advancement in science, we still have these notions about homosexuality. And sadly, I don’t see any change happening in these notions any time soon.

There are policies at my company that acts as safeguards against bias on the basis of sexual orientation. But these rules can be used only with respect to the behavior of people in offices. To make a change in their minds, it requires something more. I don’t have answers to how those changes can come in. But hope that they do come in at some point of time. The least thing that I can hope for is for the homosexuals not to be looked upon as “sick”…