My Worries...

I am back at my desk after a gap of almost a week.. Boy.. did I miss my desk during this period. Every day seemed to be like an eternity. I missed his mails on each and every day.. I was a bit surprised that he sent me mails even when he knew that I maynot respond.. Is he actually liking me?? Umm.. my dreams are getting wilder. But when i realise the reality that I may never be able to be what I want to be with him, i feel extremely hurt. This is just a dream. When the dawn breaks out, this dream will be over - and I will be pulled back to reality - a cruel reality that he is not mine.. He has a family on whom he dies for. I am just dreaming about things - but I feel as if I am enjoying my time in the dreams. I am worried of the day when he comes up and says he has nothing more to do with me. I am worried of the day when he starts feeling that my relationship with him is starting to affect his family life, and hence wants to back-off from this. I am worried of the day when he says that whatever that was there between us was just a dream, and its time to walk into the reality. I dont know how I will react to such a situation. The very thought of that makes me scary. But when you are in a world of dreams, you tend to forget about everything that resembles reality, and tend to live in that. Its utterly foolish - but I am absolutely mad at him, and even after knowing that I am into disaster, I am still living that dream.

Had lots 0f mail exchanges today.. At times things getting very passionate about our friendship. He wants our relationship to be of that nature only. Since he wants it that way, I also pretend to be in that way. Little does anyone know that I am completely mad for him. I am afraid I will cross the line some day - which would result in dooms day for both of us. He would defenitely not want to get involved with me the way I want. There is a huge urge in me to take one more step forward. Atleast talk to him through phone. I am even timid to give him my number. But without taking that step how would this go ahead? I dont know.. I simply dont know..