More Problems in Life

My bad times in personal life seems to be spreading over to my professional life as well. It seems as if I am going to be moved over to be working under my previous supervisor with whom I had so much of problems working earlier. Its like lightning striking twice. As if there were less problems as of now to tackle. My personal life is in such a mess, now if I am going to work under him again, my professional life will also be under the same amount of mess. Gosh.. why is it that these things keep on happening to me? When my manager came over to say this to me I silently agreed to him. Why did I do that? Have my timid mentality in personal life starting spread over into my professional life as well? I think that's what is happening. Man, I need to take some solid decisions. I need to sort out both my personal as well as professional life. I need to get a clear answer from him on whether he sees any future in my relationship with him. Does he want to carry it forward or not? Does he see me as a help or a hindrance to his happy life? If he feels that there is a future for both of us, if he says that he wants me, I will be with him for ever - as long as he wants it. If he feels that I am getting in the way of his happy life, I will slowly move out - in such a way that even he wouldn't recognize the change. And at office I need to clearly decide when I am to move out. If I keep myself in the in-between state, I will end up working with the same man whom I would never ever want to work with. Seems like moving out is the best option. I need to start preparing myself for the interviews. I am getting really killed by the kind of life that I am going through now.

I have all these decisions taken inside me, but whether I implement these or not - only time will tell. All I know is that I want to be assertive from now on. Otherwise my life will be in shambles.. But will I be able to take in the unpleasant things that I might have to hear from him and others.. I don't know.

And back home, they are increasing pressure on me to get married. How will I tell them that I am not the right person to get married; that my preferences in life are different. Even if I tell them this, how will they react?? They will be shocked for sure. They may even disown me. We are still not grown as a society that a family opens its arms to a queer son. They will always look at this as an action against God and his will. Will they ever accept that God created me this way? I don't want to get married to some girl, and thereby spoiling her life. I will probably be never able to satisfy her needs. Then why should I make her life a literal hell? Problems.. Problems everywhere.. but just not able to find any solution for any of them...